Note: I used “Starryai” to come up with the photo for this post. Using the prompt “Mistakes military veterans make in the civilian world”.

I left active duty in 2014, in June of this year I will have officially been out of the Marines longer than I was in the Marines. That in and of itself doesn’t really mean anything, it’s just an arbitrary statistic. However, it does mean that my military service is largely irrelevant. My experience in the Marines has shaped where and who I am today, but without a path (or story) from that service to where I am today what I did nearly a decade ago means nothing. That is not to say I lack pride in that service or that I don’t call on those lessons I learned during my time in uniform. I do, almost daily. I just don’t lean on it as much as I used to.

I have been watching myself and other veterans move from service to civilian for a long time now. And some trends emerge. Similar mistakes we all make, flaws in thinking or logic around how to best “do” when moving to the rest of the world.

Below is my take on the mistakes I see veterans make over and over. If you are about to leave active service, take heed of these, your brothers and sisters have all made them. And if you are a decade out of the uniform like me, still take heed, you can make these mistakes today just as much as when you walked out with your DD-214 still warm from the printer.

1) Not taking advantage of the services you are eligible for, or even knowing what you have earned.

This is a big one for me. And there is a longer form piece in here about the VA that I will get to one day.

I routinely hear veterans tell me “Oh I just never got around to going to the VA” or “Or I don’t want to file for disability I don’t have anything wrong with me”.

Statements like these frustrate me. Not because someone doesn’t want to make the time to deal with the VA (it’s a giant pain) or think they don’t deserve disability (they do) but because the DOD does an completely unsatisfactory job at prepping vets for what they have earned. And before you say “well you got out in 2014, I bet things have changed" I still talk with vets who are weeks to months away from their transition classes and the classes are still failing. Sure things like Skillbridge are helping, but there is still a long way to go.

One of my biggest moments was when someone told me that filing for disability and getting healthcare through the VA were not the same process..no one told me, I had no idea, luckily someone was looking out for me and helped me through BOTH processes.

These are benefits that you earned through your service, it doesn’t matter if it was 4 years or 40, you earned it and you deserve to take advantage of these programs. I own the home I own today through the VA home loan program. I was able to attend grad school for free because of the GI Bill. I was able to get quality healthcare through the VA during periods where I was without an employer sponsored plan.

There are resources out there for you as a veteran, use them. And if you don’t know what you are eligible for, ask me, I will help you figure it out.

2) Having an overinflated sense of your value to the civilian world, or not thinking you are valuable enough to the civilian world.

It doesn’t matter if you spent 4 years in an infantry battalion as a rifleman or 25 years and left as a Colonel you likely are falling into the trap of thinking you are worth more than you are or less than you are, or both. I once had the Chief Human Resource Officer (also a veteran) of a very large company tell me “Just because someone thinks they are worth $100k to a company doesn’t mean they bring $100k of worth on day one”. This was eye opening for me. I thought with my MBA and military background in hand I was going to land a high paying director role out of the gate. “I was an attack helicopter pilot with a great education of course they will see my value!”, I thought. I was so wrong. I have heard of Colonels thinking they would walk into a c-suite position at a company because they felt their command time was the same thing. Just like you wouldn’t bring in the CEO of a software company in to run your battalion or squadron, they aren’t going to bring you in to do the same thing. Knowing your worth and charting a path towards your goals is essential.

On the flipside it saddens me whenever I hear a younger enlisted man or woman tell me they aren’t capable of anything. Just because they spent their 4 years on the lower end of the hierarchy of the organization should have no bearing on abilities or potential. I regularly keep in touch with Marines I had the pleasure of serving with who are VP’s in companies, have started their own businesses that are thriving, are pursuing the highest levels of education. They are making an impact in areas that leave me in awe.

Do you need a degree to do what you want? Then go get it and see #1 above. Do you need more experience to be in the position you want? They find a path towards it. An infantry squad leader Corporal has more leadership experience and ability than nearly every director level individual I have ever worked with, the struggle of that Corporal is how to see their potential and pivot the “knifehands” to the job they want.

The only thing you aren’t capable of is what you tell yourself you aren’t. If you think you can only do some menial job that is what you will default to. A wonderful book that I always recommend is Transition Mission by Herb Thompson, it goes into a lot more detail, you can pick up a copy here (this is not an affiliate link, I don’t get anything if you order or click, just really like the book).

3) Having a completely unintelligible resume.

Your resume sucks. I’m sorry but it does. I see a lot of resumes, and nearly all of them (veteran or not) suck. They do not convey the story that you are trying to tell and they are confusing. I have a previous set of guest posts on this on the blog (start here and work up). But in general the jargon, titles, responsibilities and accomplishments all need to be written as if you are talking to someone who doesn’t even know what the military is. This is a balance between showing what you did without using words no one understands (there is no rank, MOS, or other jargon in my resume as best as I have been able to remove it). And whatever you do don’t be the person who just submitted a photo of their ribbon stack as a “resume”. Do I really need to even say that out loud?

1. You weren’t a commanding officer, no one knows what that is. For that matter you were not a NATOPS Standardization Pilot (unless applying to aviation roles) or a Machinegunner or Rifleman (don’t do it, just don’t) either. Find a way to convey these titles in understandable language.

2. For the love of everything don’t use words like “execute”, “operated”, “attacked”, or any other jargon words. Telling a pilot I was a schedule writer as my first job in the squadron makes sense, saying that to anyone else and their faces go blank.

3. Don’t inflate your role be honest with yourself about what you did and the equivalent civilian job. But don’t sell yourself short either. If you led a team of 15 (squad leader) say that.

4. Be prideful in what you accomplished, but don’t expect it to translate well unless you do the translating. Your 4 deployments and numerous awards are great, just make sure you use language the person reading your resume will understand.

5. ASK FOR HELP! If you don’t know how to make your resume better, send it to me. I do this as a service and the first set of edits on it will always be free.

4) Not establishing your own identity or moving on from the military as your identity.

For a lot of us the military gave us our identity. Maybe (like me) you struggled with identity or purpose before joining. Maybe you found your calling in the act of wearing a uniform. After you leave that uniform behind that sense of identity doesn’t end, it changes. You don’t suddenly have to not be who you are, but it sure better evolve.

There is a great analogy about the military being a set of islands with each island being a branch of service. There are bridges between all the islands (some stronger than others) and the locals from each island occasionally intermingle or spend time on other islands. Off in the distance there is the biggest island of them all, that represents the civilian world. There is no bridge to it, and your job while you are in is to build a bridge to that big island. Because at some point your time as a local on your island will come to and end and you need to be able to walk over that bridge. Now you can burn it down when you get over or you can let it rot slowly, or you can maintain it taking quick trips back to see how things are going. But what you don’t want to be is the person that never built that bridge but is no longer a local, no longer part of the club…just that strange person who no one really knows but you are just there…we all know that type of veteran, don’t be that person. Build that bridge. And if you think you are that person, it’s never too late to build that bridge, start today. Be who YOU are, not who the military gave definition to who you are.

5) Thinking you are the only one who is struggling to adjust. Or going through a difficult time or in crisis.

If you or someone you know is struggling, seek out help. Contact me, your clergy, a friend, anyone, just pick up the phone or go for a coffee. If you are in crisis pick up the phone and call 988 right now. You are not alone and you are loved and valued.

With that extremely important but slightly somber statement said.

Although I feel I adjusted pretty quickly to being a civilian, I look back and realize I did not. I am still adjusting almost a decade later. And that is ok.

I also realize now it took me way too long to ask for help, to see that I needed help, and to normalize, for myself, that it was ok to seek out support. This was not just help around my mental health it was help professionally, personally, mentorship in what I was trying to accomplish. I wanted to do it all on my own…oh how wrong I was.

I have dealt with imposter syndrome for a long long time. I still do, and sadly I think that it has prevented me from achieving things I am capable of. I am still working on changing that. I don’t say this for sympathy or to make you feel bad for me, I say it because nearly every veteran I know has dealt with the same feelings, if it isn’t imposter syndrome it is an inability or difficulty understanding the civilian world. Or dealing with any of the other above items I talked about. And that is ok, you don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be willing to say “I need help” or “I don’t understand”. Everyone has a period where things are hard, that is normal. Don’t let it hold you back, let it be part of your growth.

Leaving the military will always be an adjustment, my hope is that maybe, just maybe, someone reading this will not make the same mistakes I and countless other veterans have made. If you want to learn more or have questions I am an email away at tommy@thehiredveteran.com.